They fall apart because we fail. Most of the time, that failure is a cooperative effort between both partners in the marriage even if one party is more at fault than the other. You must take an honest assessment of your life and your marriage and look for your own shortcomings. You should seek council from your pastor or qualified Christian councilors about your problems and how you can be restored from past failures in your marriage.
Depending on your situation that may mean making dramatic changes in your lifestyle. You should not put yourself in a situation where you could be tempted to fall back into the sin. Proverbs 13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Seek counsel from your pastor and confess your sins and shortcomings to him so that he may help you in your walk toward restoration. Find a close friend or two with mature Christian walks and ask them to hold you accountable. This step is absolutely critical in cases where habitual sins, like alcoholism, or drugs have plagued your life.
Humble yourself and pledge your full openness and honesty to those who will hold you accountable. Do not however, go around telling intimate details of relationship with everyone you know.
15 Guiding Prayers for Healing a Broken Marriage
Ephesians 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Hebrews 17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. But you cannot, and should not try, to change your spouse. Instead you need to constantly hold them up in prayer. Intercede for them. He hates your faith in God and he will find people to attack and mock your faith. When you are being attacked, know that God is faithful when we call upon his name and that He is the reason for our joy.
Speak blessings over them. Psalms is a good book to read during these times. Often, attacks are a sign that God is working in the situation. Rejoice in that! If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Treat this as an opportunity. Anything brought up against you should be discussed with your pastor or counselor.
Examine yourself and make sure that problems of the past will always stay in the past and that history will not repeat itself. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. We do it all the time. We hurt the ones we love the most. We become, for a while, people we never imagined we could be. Rather than collecting the broken pieces and scraping them from dustpan to bin, they can be used put the relationship back together in a way that is stronger, more informed, wiser, and with an honesty and a love that is more sustainable.
My wife was working late every night and I felt like we were 2 strangers sharing a house. After 3 months the other woman decided she would leave me alone. To any women who have been cheated on here, please know your husbands must feel every inch as bad as I do. We are so sorry. Hi Dan. I see your post is from back in March. It might seem like it at the time, though. The only way I know of getting through initial stage this is with time.
Time will help both of you process, time will lessen the sharp stabbing pains, time will heal. And time sucks! The day of finding out, and weeks and perhaps months after are HARD. So very hard! But this does not void the happy things that happened in the past — how much it affects her future is up to her.
But see, it was my choices post affair that led me where I am today. How I got here is nothing short of a miracle…this is why I thank God and give Him credit. I now have a stronger marriage than I could ever have imagined, I now am a stronger, better mother and kick-butt strong Christian woman.
My advice to you is to do the same thing that I did: Pray. Pray for forgiveness, pray for love, pray for guidance this was a biggie for me…should I stay or should I go? And get out. Go for a walk. Meet some friends for a burger. Take an art class. We all make mistakes. We all do things that hurt our marriages. You are not the first nor the last to have an affair. It happened. Own it, be at peace that it happened and never ever let it happen again. Do not let it define who you are. Blessings to you. I told him I loved him and wanted to work at it and he came home saying he loved me to, and I had to before him as he had realised he couldnt live without me.
I went to a friends, came back an hour later he was missing I found him with her at his work and went mentally. Came home packed his stuff and put it outside now I am hurting still loving him and he is happy with her. At first I saw some suspicious texts, but she swore they were just friends. Same thing, I was always there for her, but she pulls this shit on me? My wife cheated on me during our short engagement and three months after we were married. She said that it was because of the pressure of may parents, and that she was scared at least that was the best thing I got.
I decided to stay together with her, but if I were honest, I never really worked on healing. I was working at the time and went to work and came home early, but as I was driving home, I thought I saw her driving in the opposite direction this being very early in the morning, and she would have had no reason to go out.
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She said that she was at the bank, but is was BS. Well, fast forward 12 years later; we were still together. We had moved to a different state, but it seems like the entirety of our marriage she has spend time on her phone. Well, about years ago, I would catch her lying to me about little stuff. Going out late all day everyday and saying that she had to go to work 7 days a week from morning until 10 pm every day, and being on her phone more and giggling while she received text messages.
She was painting this picture of having an affair again. She told me it was her sister on the phone call, but when I checked her call log, she had deleted the phone call. I am sad to say that I have not been all that good at allowing my self to heal from this event. I know that I had a part to play in his feeling like he needed revenge on me and thus having the affair with my sister, whom I was very close to.
When my husband and I first got married we both agreed we wanted children, that was a huge thing for me. A few months befor we got married I had a terrible accident at work, had to undergo two surgeries, lost my job and was suffering from the emotional strain of the accident and legal stuff going on with my job. I began to seek out emotional support from one of my exes and this led to many arguments with my husband.
We finally healed from that… fast forward two years… we got a new house with the intention to start a family. This broke my heart and led me to seek emotional support thus again from someone else, I never got physical with the person and when things felt like they moving more from emotional to physical I broke it off.
In the beginning…
During this time I confided in my sister who was also going through marital problems with her husband with everything that was happening… well turns out all along they were having a very sexual affair. I found out because after my sister divorced she began hanging out with one of my exes and confided in him about the affair with my husband. I was finally pregnant, which is when my sister and my husband supposedly ended the affair.
My daughter was 6 or 7 months old when my exe contacted me to tell me about the affair. My daughter is now three years old and I am still suffering from the effects of the affair. I know I should probably seek counseling for myself. I just never expected to still feel so hurt after all this time, after I thought I was done dealing with it. We are working through it and my husband is loving and willing to make it work. Each and every year we solve one problem and it is not just 1woman he have many. All these stories of infidelity…then the wronged spouse trying to forgive…are emotionally painful to me.
Mainly because I myself know that pain. My husband of 14 years at the time forgot for awhile just how much love and trust means in a relationship. I accidentally found texts to a former coworker that painfully made me realize they were a lot more than just coworkers. By accidentally I mean I never have checked his phone, never felt like I needed to. He asked me what time I had called him and I picked his nearby phone up to verify this and there it was. I finally brought it all out what I had seen and he apologized.
We went to counseling and are still together 2 years later. If a spouse cheats and lies I am here to tell you things will never be the same in your relationship. To stay together means you are accepting the fact that you have a spouse that you will never trust with your feelings or heart again. It is just that way whether you want that or not. The man I loved and trusted took that love and trust and destroyed it. He used to be my hero, I used to feel loved and protected and cherished by him. Now, I love him in a different way.
I know he is weak and capable of lying to me. I like him now in many ways but the pure love and trust I had in him is gone forever. He cheated us both out of a trusting relationship. If you lose that trust it is hard to establish the intimacy you had before. Your marriage can move forward, you can share sorrows and joys with them, but it will be different. This is just the way I continue to feel. Once broken, your heart can be mended but the complete love and joy you felt before never returns. You will always feel broken inside.
Pamela, You said it perfectly!!! This is exactly how I feel. My husband of 28 years at the time had a 6 month affair with some tramp he met at work he was bouncing at a bar. We are still together almost 2 years later and our relationship is better than it has been in a long time. He is still my husband, but no longer my knight in shining armor. I used to think that he would do anything for my well being, and now I know that is not the case. I used to look forward to randomly seeing him out and about. He used to make my heart race.
Now when I see him my heart aches for what he took from us. Culminating in meeting her across the country and sleeping with her twice. But he was the one person I trusted most in this world and now that trust is shattered. The thoughts and pictures go through my mind constantly. He has been honest and answered my questions. How do I get past this and move forward? Please help me..
15 Guiding Prayers for Healing a Broken Marriage – ConnectUS
I am devastated. Alli, It sounds like he is angry that he got caught and maybe a little embarrassed. I would definitely suggest counseling for both of you. You will never love him like before and trust will be a hard thing to get back especially if he is not willing to discuss it. Focus on making yourself happy again.
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You will never get over it, but it will get easier to live with. I kissed his friend a few times, and sent him a picture of myself. I told him after I had already ended it with his friend. This is a difficult situation because he had hurt me, very very very bad. One of my biggest fears he did to me. And I lost my safe space, which was him. That is when I started talking to his friend. I never slept with him and I never loved him or said I loved him.
My heart was never open for the taking. We have both been reading this page and comments and trying to learn to trust and forgive each other again. Some of these comments seem to be quite blunt and negative. But they sound like the truth. Thank you for everyone who commented and for this page. Not only that, he was cheating with our daughter-in-law, who was living with us at the time. Plus, I truly believed that my husband was one of the very few men who would ever cheat.
I mean, my husband even hated a country band just because they had a song about cheating…. My husband has always been so overly loving and attentive. Cleanse me of impure motives. Reduce me to love. Let Your pure love be the driving force behind my words, my touch, and my tone of voice. Reveal to us where we are making the situation worse by resisting Your leadership and disobeying Your commands.
Lord, thank you for the good work that you have started in my marriage. I know that you will do mite to the end. I ask for the strength to stay courageous and strong in your promises as you work out things in our marriage. Every man or woman determined to scatter thus marriage will not succeed. Their evil plans will scatter in Jesus name.
I refuse to be tempted to try other alternatives. I will not be discouraged even if it seems that nothing is happening at the moment. Your word is greater and surer than any other power.
So I choose to trust in you. Lord, I want to be filled with Your courage and strength. I want to live by every word that comes from Your mouth and speak boldly about what You can and will do. You gave him authority to accomplish Your will. He commanded the sun to stand still, and You made it happen for the glory of Your name and the protection of Your people.
Teach me, Lord, to exercise the authority You have given me. Train me to hear Your voice and respond without hesitation. Make me brave. Use me to war against the enemies of our marriage in prayer using the Sword of Your Spirit. Lord, it is your will that we be reconciled together and that our love for each other will grow and blossom, no matter what has happened between us in the past.
Lord, heal our marriage of all spiritual attacks and manipulations. Let this healing start with me. Lord, have mercy on our relationship and rebuild the trust and honesty that has eluded this marriage. Lord, I command seven-fold restoration of the trust and honesty that the evil one has stolen from us, in Jesus name. Lord, I come before you today with a heavy heart; my marriage is in grave trouble, and I need Your help and closeness. Make us compatible again, and bring us closer together as we were before. Fill us with Your love and give us the strength to love one another, care for one another, and fulfill your life long wishes for us.