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This collection of unbelievably stupid things that people have seen will brighten up your day

Pretty much nothing about masculinity is monolithic. We, like all organisms, are very reactive to our environments. I try to make my environment an empowering, humane, and equal one, every day. The deeply rooted belief for many white men, that power and masculinity and whiteness are an entwined birthright. I think the tendrils of that belief are ingrained in our unconscious. It is encoded in our social systems, our child-rearing, and our behavior in ways that, if left unexamined, will continue to destroy us skyrocketing suicide rates among men , the environment men are much less likely than women to be stewards of the environment , women men commit violent acts at rates highly disproportionate to women , and each other.

It is hard to give up power, and I understand that it might feel counterintuitive for cis men to do so. But I really believe that we each have a true north, and there is not a person alive who can look me in the eyes and tell me that their true north involves homophobia, violence toward women, transphobia—or living within a constricted reality where emotionality is suspect and empathy is discouraged.

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It is our responsibility, as a culture, to first look at ourselves and change our own behaviors so that we can be better parents, partners, coworkers, citizens, and friends. And I mean all of us, by the way. As long as we see masculinity as an intractable proposition, that makes sense.

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But as soon as we begin to examine our own notions of what makes a man, we are in the position to actually challenge and change the aspects of masculinity that are harmful, even to ourselves. And, just to say, I love being a man! I have risked a lot to live in this body, and I do so happily.

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The most effective strategy is to talk about masculinity and gender long before addressing sexism explicitly, which is something I do with all my male friends because I think gender is something we are all negotiating, not just women and trans people. Unless my immediate safety as a trans man is at risk, I refuse to be a bystander.

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  • I have anxieties as a trans man that have to do with my physical safety, health care, and basic rights. I feel much more comfortable and happy in my body after doing that work, and much more productive and aligned with my values in the world. As a culture, we systemically socialize boys out of so many of the skills they need to navigate relationships: empathy and intimacy are traded for power and domination.

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    • Man Fail - Stupid Things Men Do by Marion Appleby - 9781843176985 Book.
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    • I think men feeling this way should first get quiet with themselves. We are taught to act before we know what to do, to talk before we know what to say. A meaningful life is one where your true values define your existence. What do you truly believe? Are you acting in accordance with those beliefs?

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      In what way do expectations about your gender go against your core values? What if you experimented with standing for your values, and not your masculinity? I continue to work on interrupting. Before my transition, I could talk at the same time as a woman on occasion and it made me part of a chorus. Now, it makes me a bulldozer.

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      I work really hard on not doing that, and apologizing when I do. His advice was to not be ashamed of my perceived weaknesses. Instead, he taught me to study them, to work with them, to turn them into strengths.

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      Our greatest strength and greatest weakness tend to be two sides of the same coin.