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First, while he gives a convincing look at how a man's "reliance on women for validation" can lead to feeling emotionally out of control, Wexler never descends to placing any sort of sexist blame on moms or wives; he makes it clear that the power that women seem to have over men "is not a power that women have signed up for in the relationship contract" and that female children are equally harmed by the lack of a mirroring self-object.

Here are 20 Signs Of Toxic and Manipulative Men

Second, Wexler provides numerous concrete examples of how men can identify and understand the emotional states that trigger relationship problems, as well as many ways that fathers can help establish a son's home life as "a shame-free zone. View Full Version of PW.


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More By and About This Author. Buy this book. Apple Books. Zeebra Books. This guy needs you to be perfect and to view him as perfect in spite of his bad behavior.

When Good Men Behave Badly

Your mistakes will be brought to your attention. He will expect you to be remorseful and to make changes as he sees fit.


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  6. He, on the other hand, can do no wrong and you better not forget that. Normal people understand fundamental concepts like honesty and kindness. The toxic man is childlike in his ability to grasp the concept of not only receiving respect but returning it. You can tell him dinner is promptly at and he will show at This guy is downright unmannerly, course and contemptible. Get as far away as possible!

    Why Don’t Men Leave Their Habits Behind?

    His demand for adoration from you is insatiable. In reality, this guy has no identity without you there to constantly build him up. Anyone can give him what he needs…attention. He will dismiss your true feelings and assign you feelings that most often mimic what he is feeling. For example, he may accuse you of wanting to have an affair or being attracted to a close friend or ex.

    In reality, it is him who may be having an affair or thinking about an affair or, attracted to someone other than you. Everyone but you!

    Free When Good Men Behave Badly: Change Your Behavior, Change Your Relationship

    Here is what you need to keep in mind. No one sees the side of him you see. Any of your attempts to improve communication will typically result in the silent treatment. Boundaries are guidelines , rules or limits that a person creates to identify for herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around her and how she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

    If you point this out, they call you sensitive and crazy.

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    You might begin to feel resentful and upset, but you learn to push away those feelings in favor of maintaining the peace. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After once showering you with nonstop attention and admiration, they suddenly seem completely bored by you. You begin to feel like a chore to them. Guys like this are non-communicators. If you find yourself suddenly feeling unexplained anxiety take a long, hard look at the dynamics of your relationship with him.

    Some toxic men have serious mental health problems and they always have someone to blame them on. This guy is so messed up that you can bet he will fuck up any relationship he engages in, romantic and otherwise. He is a drama queen! He will not be able to get along with your girlfriends. When you first meet, things move extremely fast. He tells you how much he has in common with you—how perfect you are for him.

    David B. Wexler, PhD

    He constantly initiates communication and seems to be fascinated with you on every level. He is all about pinning you down quickly.